Alternatives to a "traditional" wedding

Firstly, I have searched www.weddingsonline.ie, but there is nothing relevant and I figure AAM readers would have just as good info/advice!
Planning to get married next year, but I dont want the whole big church wedding, big reception type thing. Myself and my better half did up a list, and we are nearly at 300 already!
My idea would be to have family only at the church, have a really nice meal with just family again, and then have a big party that evening, much like an afters, with all our friends and family. My better half is slowly coming around to the idea, but he keeps saying he's afraid it will be "cr*p", and "we" would have to make sure we do it properly!
So I would love to hear from others who have done this type of wedding, for ideas and advice on what does and doesnt work.
Thanks

My Cousin had a similar wedding a couple of weeks ago. They had a small service at about 4.00 with just immediate family (about 12 in all) and then they went to the Merrion for dinner. They had a small gathering later on, at 9.00 the rest of us (about 30) joined them in the Cellar bar for drinks and some finger food. I thought it was really lovely. I'd like to do something similar myself... but like you with a bigger bash in the evening.

I'd say make a list for yourself of all the parts of the wedding that you like and are important to you, discard everything else and work the evening around what you like.

I'd be careful to not exclude people, esp people you are expecting to travel for your wedding. I can see where you are coming from but can also appreciate people thinking you're creating a "them and us" scenario.

Thats what myself and DH wanted, more of a personal family experience. In order for us to do this we got married abroad (Dubrovnik). We would also have "had" to invite about 300 guests and have done the traditional big irish wedding.
Obviously its not everyones cup of tea, getting married abroad but for us it was the best way and everyone invited (26 people) really enjoyed it.
Im sure you could have what you want in Ireland but be warned people will complain whatever you do.

Oh Gawd, do you know 300 people? Why not make it personal and intimate and invite just family and close friends, chances are out of the 300 you could have to your wedding, you wont see most of them again regularly anyway. Would all of the 300 expect an invite?

Hi. We got married 10 years ago. We had immediate family (10) at our service - in a registry office. And then had a meal in the Burlington, then a party for 100 people, only very close friends and family.
We were lucky that no one in our families objected to this. Including meal, finger food for later all uner £2k.
If you're looking for advice, do it your way -it's your day!

muppetini said:

Hi. We got married 10 years ago. We had immediate family (10) at our service - in a registry office. And then had a meal in the Burlington, then a party for 100 people, only very close friends and family.
We were lucky that no one in our families objected to this. Including meal, finger food for later all uner £2k.
If you're looking for advice, do it your way -it's your day!

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We did more or less the same thing - registry office, the meal for immediate family in The Schoolhouse on Northumberland Road, and hooked up with others later. We told people not to buy presents but some still insisted. This arrangement suited us. Others should suit themselves. Under no circumstances should etiquette or anybody else tell you what you must do in this situation.

i agree with Clubman. its your day so dont worry about upsetting people. u cant please everyone.
we're planning to sign registery here, close friends and family only and going to croatia where we know a great little restaraunt that will close its doors for us. a priest friend will do a quick ceremony. small and simple.

best of luck

We had a registry office wedding and a family meal.
A week later we had a big party and invited everyone. Both events were brilliant and were exactly what we wanted.

Not exactly the same thing, but a work colleague was at a cousins wedding. They had the church thing, with everybody there, then they had a meal in a resturaunt for imediate family, aunts and uncles. Cousins/friends went and made their own arrangements to eat, then everybody met up afterwards for the party. Everyone understood they couldn't afford to feed everyone, and everyone had a good time.

How about the couple who invited everyone to their engagement party and handed out little envelopes with pictures of them getting married on a beach in Paradise.

Priceless.

Remember: 'have to' attitudes are for serfs!

S

My wife and I got married in 2001, we had 25 people including 4 preists and us. My friends to this day say it was the best wedding they were ever at. The church and dinner were very personal and very well catered.
we had a lot at the afters and a free bar (a wonder anyone remembers it at all !!) an extra bonus was the deposit for our house that we saved by not doing the 250 + wedding.

Thrifty1 said:

be warned people will complain whatever you do.

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...very true. You could be very lucky and everyone will be totally understanding and accomodating but be prepared for some noses being put out of joint!

You are going to get complaints (not to your face obviously ) no matter what you do. Goes with the territory of the wedding day. If you invite 200 people to the main event and then ask 100 to the Afters, some of that 100 some people will have bigger egos and are going to think they werent as important as the people at the main event. Personally, I don't understand why some people get caught up on this, but c'est la vie!!!

Therefore, I think having a small wedding (main ceremony & meal) means you offend less people. They will say to themselves, well fine, it was only immediate family and his/her best friend at the ceremony).

You can word the Evening/Afters invites such as "we would really love you to join us at X etc. to help us celebrate our marriage to one another.

Do have a nice healthy & variable buffet though. Not essentialy extravagant, but something a bit more than sandwiches and cocktail sausages. Vol-au-Vonts and chicken dippers etc. Don't forget vegetarians and tell caterers, this does not mean they eat cheese sandwiches instead. If the reception is out the country, it might also be an idea to put on a bus to and from a central pick up point in the town most people will be coming from.You could probably get this quite reasonable if you shopped around.

Happy planning & enjoy.

Call me old-fashioned but I like the big wedding. When I got married to the loverly Mrs Firefly, I really enjoyed seeing all the people we know at the church. Many couples focus on the hotel/band/meal part of the day (as it requires more organising), but the ceremony for me is/was the most important part of the day and we loved having everyone there.

I would imagine that the ceremony is important for most couples. Not necessarily a religious one though.

Isn't it now possible (due to a recent change in legislation?) to get married wherever you want, i.e. it doesn't have to be in a church/registry office?

As far as I know that is the case nowadays.

Legislation to allow civil cermony in other locations is not in force until November 2007 and from then on only in locations approved by HSE .


http://www.groireland.ie/reform_of_marriage_law_2007.htm

OP, would you consider as mentioned above, having a small wedding in total in Ireland . For example approx 50 closest family & friends. Thats 25 people each and look into small venues/ restaurants that will let you book for exclusive use for the day. That way you can use use the old 'oh we wish we could have evryone but the venue just doesn't cater for it...........' excuse.

It never ceases to amaze me how Irish people get all het up about weddings and how so many couples know 300 people intimately enough to 'have to' invite them to such a personal occasion. Different strokes for different folks, I say. Do what you and your future husband want to do on your wedding day.