Aging Parents - Granny Flat Solutions

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ophelia

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Ageing Parents - Granny Flat Solutions

Both my parents are now in their twilight years, and although together they are muddling through indeprendently I can see the day coming soon when they will need more care and supervision. They bith live in the West of Ireland and neither my brother or I live near them (Waterford and Dublin). They would be prepared to sell up and move to either location but of course financially that is almost impossible. I am currently looking into the option of acquiring a property in Dublin with a Granny flat and I am finding it quite difficult to get anything suitable. I have already extended to the side to facilitate my own family and I don't think my back garden has any building potential. Has anybody any experience of going down this road and what advise could they give me.
 
Ophelia, moving out of their own neighbourhood in twilight years could be very traumatic for your parents , particularly if they have lived in the same place for a long time.

There is a certain sense of familiarity, comfort, and belonging which is shattered, and which is very difficult to recreate when you are older, and less independant, and less active and mobile, and can no longer have contact with lifelong friends and neighbours.

The ideal would be to try and keep them in their own home, for as long as possible, and while I appreciate that this is not always either practical or realistic, have you explored what options are available to them from community services at your local health centre.

While this may not solve the problem in the longer term, by accepting assistance from either voluntary or statutory agencies, your parents quality of life could be whole lot better, and they could probably remain in their own home , in familiar surroundings, for as long as they feel they can manage.
 
Maryrose, They would be my sentiments completly. However other circumstances are making that situation very difficult. Whilst both my parents are physically fit, in so much as they grow their own veg, and were cycling a ten mile round trip to their GP up until last Winter, they are very vulnerable as well. My mother has Osteoporosis and broke five vertebrae last year which involved her wearing a back brace for five months. My Dad has Parkinsons Disease and has also being recently diagnosed with dementia. I think that is the biggest problem, as the constant confusion is wearing my Mum down. (Although she would never complain). If Dad is ever left on his own for a day (Mum's hospital appointment for instance) he can get very confused and once took a load of his tablets (by mistake)! They have one or two nice neighbours who give them a lift to Mass etc and they have recently got Home Help once a week, but to be honest they are not the most sociable pair, especially Dad. However the real problem at the moment is a new neighbour from hell. My parents take great pride in their garden but despite having told the neighbour that their very large dog is destroying their work she turns around and threatens my mother with the guards. They also throw stones over my parents wall and allow their children play in and around their house. Unfortunatly, the time has come we feel when it has become necessary to make a move. They are more than willing to move, eventhough my Dad would be confused initially. Its a horrible situation but I have to think of their personal safety and plan for the future when Dad will become too much for Mum to manage. Once again thanks for responding. Any other advise anyone?
 
Ophelia: If your parents are isolated, i.e. on a farm or distant from shops, doctors, medical facilities, etc., life will become more difficult as they age. Also social services
can’t provide everything and there are certain supports that only families can
provide so you really need to leave emotion aside and draw up a risk assessment of your parents future needs. You should not rule out the possibility that they may not be capable of looking after themselves and that they may need to move closer to you or your brother. If your parents are remote from you, you are running the risk that they will be alone in a crisis / medical emergency. If you are unwilling to accept this risk you should start planning now. Have they personal pensions in addition to state pensions (Good)? Or are they reliant on state pensions? (Bad). Have they got adequate private health insurance? (Good). Or not? (Bad). So you need basically to sit down and work out the vulnerability of your parents. Could you, for example, buy a suitable property now from your own resources or on a mortgage and rent it out until your parents can no longer live on their own? Otherwise, can they sell their property and you or your brother add to what they obtain for it via a mortgage to purchase a new property for them? As you will inherit it look at it as an investment.

One crucial thing, based on personal experience, I would strongly suggest that you put away 30 grand minimum for long term care costs. Do your parents have cash reserves that could be earmarked for this, perhaps supplemented by savings from their pensions? Age Action Ireland says: ‘Grants are available towards the cost of private
nursing home care but they are means tested and range from between
€114.30 to €190.50 a week, far below the minimum €350 to €1,000 or so
required‘ [broken link removed]
According to the Irish Nursing Homes organisation the average weekly cost of nursing home care last year was €609 for a single en suite room, €592 for a
single room, €561 per person for a double room and €564 for a shared
room. But as many of these are dumps you really need to budget higher, i.e. a grand a week. Day / night home carers will reduce the costs but they still could
be significant. You don’t say how old your parents are and they may well
live for 10 - 20 years but because of the costs involved you really
need to start budgeting now for future care costs.
 
PMU, My Mum is 78 and my Dad is 83, they have a Post Office pension which gets them through with a bit of budgeting here and there. Unfortunatly my Dad does not have VHI or such as he was in a special insurance scheme with the PO whilst employed there, he didn't realise it would be cancelled on retirement and of course it was too late at 65 to join VHI. My Mum has VHI. Thats not really the issue though. There is no way, whilst I am alive and well anyway that they will be in a nursing home. My brother and I have discussed buying a property between us and I feel it would have to be in Dublin to be near me. I am scouring the internet for a two bed property, close to me with kind of living accomodation that would suit them. Apartments are not really suitable - noise levels, lack of a small garden, etc. Both of us have financial committments as well and would be hard pressed, even with my parents house price thrown in of managing a mortgage of say E200,000 each, on top of our own mortgages and education fees. The only option I could see was either building a small unit on my property or finding another affordable house for us which would have a self-contained granny flat. In the areas I am looking at these would have an asking price of minimum E800,000. I wish the Government of this country would try and come up with some grant or scheme for people like us who need help in order to keep our parents out of state care.
 
ophelia said:
There is no way, whilst I am alive and well anyway that they will be in a nursing home.
Click to expand...

While I understand this sentiment, and I understand the genuine fear that the Leas Cross debacle has generated, you may not be doing them any favours with this approach. Dealing with dementia in particular is a huge strain on an elderly partner and other family members. It may well be that the best solution for all concerned (including the dementia sufferer) involves professional, residential care.
 
Ophelia

If building or adapting your house to accomodate them is an option, there is help available. The disabled persons grant will cover 90% of the cost of the works up to €20,000. Your parents should qualify with their ailments. There is a delay, as they must be assessed by an Occupational Therapist. The grant is operated through your Local Authority.
 
Today's newspapers report Mary Harney as committing the government to facilitate care in their own homes for older adults in preference to institutions/nursing home care. Sounds as if its testing-out time via your local T.D. + politicians local to your parents.

I work professionally (in the UK) with older adults who have combined physical, social and mental health difficulties (Alzheimers and dementia embrace all three categories) and from my experience of trying to get care for my late mother 3 - 4 years ago I was shocked at the lack of general information about and specialist care provision for Alzheimers and dementia. My mother's nursing home was excellent - clean, optimistic place with compassionate hardworking staff. My mother's physical needs were well met but the institution had neither the finance nor the expertise to work optimally with her memory-loss and confusion.

Whilst your idea of building on or finding a house with separate accommodation for your parents is a good one the relocation and the complete change in their lifestyle might be quite difficult for your parents. However it sounds as if their current situation vis-a-vis the neighbours is the first thing needing to be addressed. I would (if I were you) set up a meeting with the couple next-door. Get your parents' G.P. or District Nurse to attend that meeting. Put to them loud and clear what your parents needs and rights are and insist these be observed. If not you will seek prosecution. As a practitioner in this field I was appalled to read your description of the daily struggle your parents are having. This stress is (have no doubt about this!) accellerating your father's confusion and memory-loss. My advice; first nail the neighbours. Ensure their stress is reduced to a minimum. Get the Health Visitor/District Nurse to arrange an Alheimers screening for your father (for a couple of weeks after the stuff from next-door ceases) to establish the real extent of his need. Then galvanise the maximum support possible locally for your parents whilst you and your brother think the rest out.

Your mother should not be left with the burden of care alone however willing she is. This is exhausting distressing work and the minimum support your parents need and are entitled to is respite care for your mother a couple of days a week so she can get out of the house, shop, be with other company other than a dementing partner, and relax........without being constantly concerned about her husband.

You could also drop a note to Ms Harney and say "Here's the situation. You endorse 'care in the community'. Where is it?"

All the best with it.
 
Thank you all so much for taking the time to moffer all the useful advise.

Rainy Day, I know only too well the demands of dementia on carers, I am a trained nurse and worked with this group on occassion.

SarahMc, Yes I know about that scheme, they applied for it in order to get a downstairs toilet/shower room built on to their house, yes, they did qualify but they were told that the demand for that grant was so great in their area that the Health Board budget had 'run out' for their area and that there would be many years waiting for it! Don't think that would be available to me however in my house.

Marie, In an ideal world they would try and do what you advised re the neighbours. The neighbours are 'beyond the law' if you know what I mean. Can say no more. Dad has had the screening for AD and is on memory medication, which Mum thinks is making him a little more content. Don't think the respite is on the cards for the moment as I don't think he would be agreeable and to be honest once he is busy in the garden he is no burden. I try to have them up for regular stays, but with four children of my own things can get cramped. They are also afraid to leave their house with the present 'situation' down there. Thanks again for your concern. Maybe I will write to Ms Harney.
 
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