To answer your question, yes i could service a mortgage of €185k
As regards the maintenance arrangements, i never went to court but am paying €900pm as is the going rate (per solicitor) for someone in my situation. Id certainly have to go to court to get the payments reduced.
Any advice is huge to me at this stage as im at my wits end and under real pressure,
Ok, a lot more detail now. You really need to be very calm and collected on what you do. Don't be stressed. You need to deal with this and end the stress.
My advice is not to sell your home. You are correct, NIB will not allow you to increase your mortgage, at least they are very unlikely to do so. But you should ask them.
BOS, I recommend you agree with them that you sell the house, in an orderly sale, and that you will pay the NE over the remaining term and at the same rate of interest you are currently paying.
Whatever you do, do not advice them of the potential offer of 40K in return for a write off of 35K. Leave that for now. Keep it in your back pocket until you know what BOS's bottom line is. A great way of forcing banks to actually deal with you is to pay them zero for a while. (There is another issue in relation to this 40K from your parents, if they were on here I might advise them not to loan you the money, depending on the circumstances, let's not discuss this on this thread)
You didn't ask about maintenance, but it is relevant, and everything is always relevant, people cannot leave out bits of their financial arrangements if they expect to get proper advice. I'm not at all sure 900€ a month is correct in a situation where you have a lot of debt. I understand you want to do the right thing by your kids and ex, that's demonstrated by the fact you're paying maintenance and have not needed to go to court. But your ex also has to understand your predicament. If you continue you will also lose your home and a place where your kids can come visit. The reality is a judge will only take your excess income after all bills and reasonable living expenses have been accounted for (at least I assume that is what happens).
Any possibility of extra income in your home, with a lodger, you can take in 10K tax free. It could be somebody who wants a Mon to Fri digs, very convenient letting that can be.