Access to son

Hi
Having hassle with ex-partner, he refusing to drive to my property to collect his son, he wants me to meet him halfway,it is approx 40 minute drive from my house to his and not willing to make this journey to take his son, he has overnight access and can see his whenever he wishes, we have no court agreement. I really dont want to go to court to get this settled, I am working fulltime and have a long journey to work each day, so I like spending time at home at weekends to get on top of things, he usually takes him twice a week, collects from school one day during the week and drops him back to school. And then on a Sunday only because I have to bring him up to football which is 15 minutes from his house, he will meet me at football and then drop to school the next day, so he avoiding dropping him to my house. Be really grateful if anyone had hassle like this, and if was to go down the court road would the judge rule for me to meet him halfway.

You are objecting to dropping off the child because it will take you 20 minutes (half 40 minutes) is this correct?

Does your ex have a particular reason for not wanting to go to 'your' house? Not neutral territory etc.

Is it your child, his child or the child of you both?

thanks for your reply, it is our son, he just does not want to drive 40 minutes to my home, I feel I look after him 5 days a week drop to childminder pick up from school, I dont think it is much to ask him to drive for 40 minutes to see his son.Takes me approx half hour to meet him half way. Then half hour to get back home.

Deep breath, if that's what it takes for the child to see his father, then just do it like you do everything else. It's not fair, but what's fair in relationships, give your son the chance to bond with his father if at all possible and just grin and bear it. For your child's sake. Don't waste your time getting het up about it all. It's not worth it. It's not easy. These are the things one has to do.

HIDI said:

thanks for your reply, it is our son, he just does not want to drive 40 minutes to my home, I feel I look after him 5 days a week drop to childminder pick up from school, I dont think it is much to ask him to drive for 40 minutes to see his son.Takes me approx half hour to meet him half way. Then half hour to get back home.

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dont understand how it can take him 40 minutes to drive to you but for you to meet him halfway there its 30 minutes?

Bronte said:

Deep breath, if that's what it takes for the child to see his father, then just do it like you do everything else. It's not fair, but what's fair in relationships, give your son the chance to bond with his father if at all possible and just grin and bear it. For your child's sake. Don't waste your time getting het up about it all. It's not worth it. It's not easy. These are the things one has to do.

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I disagree. The poster is undertaking the bulk of the childcare, wishes to avoid the access issue being adversarial by not going to court and from reading her post, it seems the father does not think a visit with his son worth his time to pick him up. It seems to me she is the reasonable party and she should not have to do his parenting as well as her own.

It would be awful if the child did not have visits with his father but if his father decided to call a halt based on a 40 minute journey that speaks volumes. I doubt he would break off contact if she refused to do this, based on his involvement to date and I'd worry it would set a precedent in terms of any subsequent agreement they would reach.
A.

I pick up my daughter (single father) twice per week and keep her overnight at the weekend and drop her back. The way I see it my ex looks after her all the time so its the least I can do. We are both 32, mature and very civil about the whole thing, nothing went through the courts. Solicitors fuel this kind of thing as thats how they make their money, each solicitor will tell "their" client that "they" are the victim in doing so continuing to avail of their services. Try not to take that route, it leads to nowhere other than suffering. I agree to support her and my daughter financially and in ways money cannot buy. In hidi's case I'd say, you know where you child is come and get him! Your ex partner may only take into account that it takes him that lenght of time to go there and back and not the time and effort you put in, HOWEVER, if he is only taking him for 2 hours I'd suggest you change the arrangements for longer stays to justify the journey. You both need to compromise, try remain calm, and talk about it, its all you have otherwise you'll be digging deep into your pockets and as time goes on you both will become bitter and the child will be very troubled that mammy and daddy dont talk like normal mammys and daddys.

I think the father should also consider the issue of how the "halfway house" might affect the child. I'm not sure it's in the best interests of the son to be picked up in a supermarket car park or something, how's that supposed to make him feel?

Maybe there's an alternative compromise of taking it turns to collect/drop off? Or he collects the child from you for the visit and you collect from him once it's finished.

thanks for all your replies, I allow him to take him whenever he likes, it usually twice a week overnight, once during the week in which him collects from school nearer his home and drops back to school, I do this drive everyday of the week to get him to childminder and school. Then back home again. He tells me it my choice as I choose where to live.Our child is most important person here dont want him to suffer, just so annoying that he wont take him if I dont drop him up. Most weekends I am so tired early starts I just want to relax.