40% of women over 35 in Ireland are single.

[Gordanus]

This statistic was given in an article in last Saturday's Irish Times magazine and has left me puzzled. OK maybe the widows over 60 bump up the average a bit but it still seems extraordinary. So, AAMers, in your personal experience, are half of the women that you know over 35 unmarried? (Let's make this poll as scientific as possible )

 

[Purple]

So, AAMers, in your personal experience, are half of the women that you know over 35 unmarried? (Let's make this poll as scientific as possible )

No, only about 40% of them

 

[Sn@kebite]

This statistic was given in an article in last Saturday's Irish Times magazine and has left me puzzled. OK maybe the widows over 60 bump up the average a bit but it still seems extraordinary. So, AAMers, in your personal experience, are half of the women that you know over 35 unmarried? (Let's make this poll as scientific as possible )

I think people are marrying younger and younger these days so I'd say most of these people are divorced right around 30-35, so that would help explain the large number of singles, what ya think?

 

[Sue Ellen]

What difference does it make how many women are single or married

Why home in on women and not the percentage also of single men over 35? In this day and age what difference does it make if some one is married or single. I feel its their business really and who cares.

BTW I'm not being smart ass about it but I just don't see the significance of these statistics.

 

[DrMoriarty]

Maybe Gordanus is planning on starting an online dating service and this is surreptitious market research?

 

[Graham_07]

What difference does it make how many women are single or married

Why home in on women and not the percentage also of single men over 35? In this day and age what difference does it make if some one is married or single. I feel its their business really and who cares.

BTW I'm not being smart ass about it but I just don't see the significance of these statistics.

If the OP had "homed in" on the percentage bachelor farmers still driving mark 1 VW Golfs, (or worse, Honda 50's !) the statistics would probably not be of significance to many posters either, but as in everything on AAM, such questions promote discussion, debate, and sometimes heated argument and keeps us interested in the forum and brighen up what sometimes, can be another ordinary day at the PC .

For what it's worth I think that the figure generalises a bit too much as in 40% over 35, I mean with women generally outliving men that is going to stack the figures somewhat. PErhaps narrowing the range to persons over 35 and under , say 75 ( think avg life expectancy for men is around mid-70s ) might give a more meaningful result, or not.

 

[Caveat]

I think people are marrying younger and younger these days

Certainly isn't the impression I get. If anything, I'd say people are marrying later. I personally know quite a few people over 35, in long term relationships, with kids, who aren't married and I wouldn't say this is unusual. In fact I'd say it's largely responsible for the statistic.

 

[MOB]

"........but I just don't see the significance of these statistics."

I wish I had the time to become an expert in analysis of statistics. I think it is possibly a lot more interesting than we realise. I think that there are various statistics which could have huge significance - and this could be one of them - but on its own this one just doesn't tell us much.

Our society has changed a heck of a lot in about a half a generation. Many women have put off having children until late 30s\early 40s. Many women have decided to have children without getting married. Oddly, there seems to be a substantial minority of women who - either within or without marriage - are having quite large families (4 or 5 kids would be large by my reckoning these days).

The fact that there does not appear to be one 'normal' way of doing things is, I suppose, a testament to the libertarian nature of our modern society. It is hard to discern an overall pattern. But if there is a pattern, we certainly won't discern it without good statistics.

These things have a huge bearing on the way we organise our society. If in 40 years time we have a bigger proportion of old people, the younger taxpayers may find it tough going to support them. If our society was relatively homogenous -in the sense that almost all pensioners had children paying tax - then it might be an easier sell to the taxpayers of the time. Conversely, if 40% of pensioners have substantial numbers of children and 40% have none, there is the potential for a 'two tier' society: perhaps more significant tax breaks will be given for the support of one's aged parents, which leaves the childless pensioners out on a limb.

I don't have any strong views on what - if anything - we should be doing (other than the perhaps predictable one that I sure don't want to rely on the state in my old age - and for that matter, I wouldn't be relying on my kids either), but it is certainly the case that the changes in our society will have long lasting effects, which we cannot predict without good statistical analysis. Of course, no statistical analysis could have told us ten years ago that we would have 100,000 (very welcome) immigrants in the country - so a lot of this stuff is a bit like long range weather forecasting. Maybe I am in a small minority in finding it very interesting.

On an entirely subjective note, I know an awful lot of intelligent, high-achieving attractive women in their late 30s and early 40s who are single. It seems to me that many of them have chosen a single life, rather than just not found the right man. I think that the 'smugly married club' (of which I admit to being a card carrying member) sometimes fail to respect this choice. No doubt, of course, there are at least some women in this age group who do perhaps regret giving priority to career at expense of opportunity to have children; but it's not a topic one can generally air in conversation, nor is there any way of getting useful statistics. All in all, a topic where it is perhaps wise to walk on eggshells.

 

[pc7]

of my friends the breakdown is as follows - 38 single, 31 single, 29 single, me (month shy of 30 ahhhh) live with boyf, 28 live with boyf, 27 has boyf. So we are an even mix

 

[gianni]

Of course, no statistical analysis could have told us ten years ago that we would have 100,000 (very welcome) immigrants in the country.

The figure is closer to 400,000 (still very welcome too!)...

 

[homeowner]

So, AAMers, in your personal experience, are half of the women that you know over 35 unmarried? (Let's make this poll as scientific as possible )

Unmarried is different to being single. I know alot of women over 35 who are not married but they are co-habiting with partner and have kids.

 

[buzybee]

I only got married when I was 33. I was single for a long time and it was definitely not by choice. Some of my friends are in their mid/late 30s and are single. They are putting effort into attending social clubs, salsa dancing etc. In other words, they are getting out socially and are hoping to meet someone. I have known them since we were in our twenties, and they have always found it difficult to meet a man for a relationship.

I think people are getting married later these days because one party (often the man) will not commit. In my experience a lot of men won't even commit to a live in relationship, let alone marriage.

Also men seem to think that a woman can have children at any age, they wait until their late 30s to get married and are then very surprised when their wives can't get pregnant straightaway. I should know, I am married to one.

 

[Gordanus]

Conversely, if 40% of pensioners have substantial numbers of children and 40% have none, there is the potential for a 'two tier' society: perhaps more significant tax breaks will be given for the support of one's aged parents, which leaves the childless pensioners out on a limb.


It seems to me that many of them have chosen a single life, rather than just not found the right man.

Unmarried is different to being single. I know alot of women over 35 who are not married but they are co-habiting with partner and have kids.

Rather than starting a dating agency, I just found the statistic unbelievable.....for a variety of reasons.
- If 'single' means unmarried/never married/childless, this is a very high proportion. If it's true, what does it say about Irish men?
- Widows - women tend to be longer living than men, and this will up the average.
- What about single mothers (as they used to be called)?
- and divorced women?

Having said that, as a 40something single (never married) woman myself, most of my friends are also single (never-married) although a couple of them have kids.

 

[snuffle]

.....I think people are getting married later these days because one party (often the man) will not commit. In my experience a lot of men won't even commit to a live in relationship, let alone marriage.....

I'd find my experience to be completely different - of my closer friends in the same age bracket as me (I am 28), say, from 25 - 33, only one has remained single until recently, and even he has moved in with his GF in the past year, very soon after they got together in fact (a matter of months) and marriage seems to be on the up again among my wider field of acquaintances after many years of the norm being co-habiting rather than marrying.
In fact, for many of the relationships among my friends and acquaintances, it was the man doing the asking to move in and proposing and generally moving things along in the relationship, my own DH proposed a LOT sooner than I was prepared for or was expecting (I am talking about a matter of weeks of us becoming a couple), so I don't think you can generalise that it's the male population that are causing the "delay" (I use that word with caution for fear of insinuating people SHOULD be getting married sooner) in people not getting married til their mid 30s.

However I'd find that statistic of 40% to be believable - many people either have not found the right partner, or perhaps did not feel the need to look for one either, or have come out of long term relationships that lasted through their 20s/30s and faltered. I am curious though - any idea of the percentage of men over 35 who are single? I assume it would correlate roughly with the single women as our female/male population is roughly split 51/49 but as another poster said - women do tend in general to live longer than men, so does the 40% include women who have been widowed? Surely they would be counted as married but widowed rather than unmarried?

And Homeowner is right - unmarried as oposed to single is a very different kettle of fish, with so many co-habiting couples.

 

[buzybee]

Snuffle,

What circles were you moving in, that you were meeting men who wanted to commit to a relationship etc.?

When I was in my late 20s, I was in Junior Chamber. I also went to nightclubs where there were others my age. However, the men in the nightclubs still did not really want a relationship, never mind marriage. I found the men in Junior Chamber were quite shy about making the first move etc, although a few couples got together & eventually got married.

Looking back, I think I was a little late in joining clubs & taking a proactive approach to meeting people. I remember when I was 23, I was just going out regularly, hoping a relationship would just 'happen'. Later I found out that a lot of schoolfriends had met their husbands when they were in their early 20s, and were getting married at 27 or 28.

 

[Caveat]

Having said that, as a 40something single (never married) woman myself, most of my friends are also single (never-married) although a couple of them have kids.

So what's wrong Gordanus - miffed that you are not 'unique' ?

Seriously though, as my above post, I'm not really surprised. Only 2 other people that I know well are married and as most of my close friends are late 30s, in my 'circle' at least, it would be more like 80% of women (and men) are 'single' (although cohabiting).

 

[snuffle]

Hi Buzybee, it seems most of my friends met their other halves through friends of friends rather than through the nightclub scene (which seems to often lead to a lot of fleeting connections IYKWIM rather than a long term relationship). OK I'm going waay off topic here but sure anyway -

In short, oftentimes they found a lot of common ground with a particular person in extended circles of friends and acquaintances - not through blind date setups but through getting talking to someone they hadn't met before but was included in the general group night out or function or activity by virtue of being friends/colleagues with one person in the group, does that make sense? I don't know if I'm explaining myself properly but I'd imagine the chances of finding someone you click with would be greater if they are friends with someone you yourself count as a friend purely because they would perhaps have similar interests or personalities?


Another thought that has struck me that may affect the age at which people choose to get married nowadays might be the fact that they are trying to save up for the wedding itself while paying off a mortgage or raising children, as they want the big white wedding and all the trappings - if we had wanted to go down that route we'd still be saving, instead we chose the small and simple option as we wanted to get married sooner rather than later.

One other thing - I think the idea of being proactive can sometimes work against the person doing it - I found myself, after coming out of a 5 year relationship at 21 (god when I look back now I must have been mad to get so involved so young!) that if I went out "looking" it would come off as obvious and put people off, but if you relax and just enjoy yourself without being out on the pull, that seems to be when "the one" happens along

anyway, sorry folks for the slightly off topic post, back on topic now - it is interesting to see the change in trends through the years - my grandparents for eg got married lateish - they were both hitting 30+, whereas my own parents generation seemed to get married younger - my parents were married at 20, and the swing seems to be back again towards the late 20s to mid 30s for tying the knot (I was 26).

Is it that in recent years it has become the norm to co-habit as it is now completely acceptable as opposed to co-habiting a few decades ago wher it would have been frowned severely upon, and people are now turning back to marriage once again as it's no longer "unfashionable" to go down the "traditional route" (sorry for the inverted commas, I am doing my best here to not suggest that either choice is more valid than the other).

Interesting topic!

 

[BRICKTOP]

My wife (32) has four good friends (all intelligent, attractive, slightly annoying sometimes) in the their early \ mid 30s. They are all single and constantly bemoan their single status and moan that there are no decent men out there. We were at a large wedding a number of weeks ago and it was their mission for the whole day to meet someone.

People sort of laugh at it but for some women its a very serious issue and I have to say I genuinely felt sorry (not in a 'smug married' way) for them at that wedding. Although they'd kill me if they heard me saying that!!

 

[zag]

I find the whole thing of people (women, basically) saying things like . . . none of the guys were prepared to make the first move, and there I was waiting for them . . . a bit strange.

Surely either side can move, and sitting there giving out that the others aren't doing anything isn't exactly going to make anything happen.

z

 

[ninsaga]

This statistic was given in an article in last Saturday's Irish Times magazine and has left me puzzled. OK maybe the widows over 60 bump up the average a bit but it still seems extraordinary. So, AAMers, in your personal experience, are half of the women that you know over 35 unmarried? (Let's make this poll as scientific as possible )

How about narrowing that gap - what % of the over 35's unmarried are Lesbian & have no intention of getting married?