Funeral Expenses

split by ajapale from thread concerning monthsmind masses.

lorrie said:

I wasn't prepared for the shock of the undertakers bill either - almost 9000 euros.

Click to expand...

Did the undertaker not give you an estimate/quote up front? I realise that it can be difficult to broach such issues at the time of bereavement but they should provide this info. They did when we were burying my father a few years back anyway.

Re: Priest cost for Months mind mass?

There was no mention of costs - and at the time we didn't think to ask.
I guess we just went into auto pilot regarding arrangements.
They also covered newspapers and local radio notifications which were pricey enough. Plot for two also. Anyways she got a good send off.

Re: Priest cost for Months mind mass?

Considering the Irish are very good at "death", we consider it very tasteless to talk about the costs of the funeral. The minutae of wedding costs (flowers, hotel meal, free drink or not) are dissected and discussed, but who talks about the cost of a coffin, how much the hotel charge for the meal after a funeral etc.

Its very well to talk about shopping around, but the undertaker is called immediately after the person dies, so comparison shopping is not something you will feel able to do. €9000 seems a huge amount, my experience is nearer the €5,000 mark.

Is it possible to arrange your own funeral and pay for it over time here? I know my father did this when he got sick but it that case he was terminally ill and had only a few months to live.

If I (early 30's, no reason to think I shouldn't live for many years yet) wanted to do this, how is it arranged? I've thought about it and I know you can make what I think is officially called an expression of wishes and leave it with a solicitor. However, I would like to have sorted things out in a bit more detail than a general instruction. If it were possible I might also think of paying for this over the years as well so that hopefully most of the cost would already be covered by the time a funeral was needed. Does anyone know if this is possible to do? If I choose an undertaker and make arrangements how do people know in 30 or 40 years time that I've done that?

Older people often seem to have what is termed as "money to bury them" and seem to take great care over this. My grandmother who is in her 80's always refers to her bank account "having enough to bury her". She would say that is would be considered a great shame not to have this fund. Don't think most younger people think like this but know if one couple (since split up) who bought a buriel plot together after getting married.

Having recently burried my father, I have to agree with Lorrie - you go into auto pilot - money doesn't come into it. And if it's a sudden death and the first family death, it can be even more difficult. I can recall a difference of thousands between coffins and I remember being shocked by the price of flowers that say Dad/GrandFather. More recently, I was shocked by the price of the First Anniversary notice in the paper - €900 and the price of the notice advising of the death at the time was €400 per day - all adverts in a broadsheet.

You can make your arrangements now for your death and there are a few people who have done this. There is nothing stopping you from buying your plot from the Council either.

I know it's a bit of a "how long is a piece of string" question due to the variety of trappings that can be included or excluded but anybody know what the comparative rough/average costs of burial versus cremation are? My initial assumption would be that the latter would be cheaper but I guess I could be surprised. Is it acceptable for preferred funeral arrangements to be specified in a will and would they be binding on the executor/next of kin?

Janet - I'm sure it is possible to pay over time - probably the most important thing is buy a plot sooner than later - as I think these are an expensive part of the funeral cost - unless you're considering Clubman's suggestion.

If you do run with cremation you could always use one of the "useless" Waterford crystal vases that you got as a wedding present!

ClubMan said:

Is it acceptable for preferred funeral arrangements to be specified in a will and would they be binding on the executor/next of kin?

Click to expand...

I don't think it's acceptable to put your wishes in your Will and not let anyone know what these wishes are. When someone close to you dies you don't contact your Solicitor to find out if there are any such wishes in the Will. You don't always even know if or where someone has made a Will. If you had certain wishes the best thing would be to let your family know of your wishes and if you did put them in to your Will, you should have a copy of this Will in your home somewhere it might be found in the event of your death.

A lot of people buy a plot in advance nowadays. The money spent on a funeral will always come out of the person's estate to include undertaker, newspaper notices, food etc.

Deirdra said:

Janet - I'm sure it is possible to pay over time - probably the most important thing is buy a plot sooner than later - as I think these are an expensive part of the funeral cost - unless you're considering Clubman's suggestion.

Click to expand...

Note that some cemeteries also provide small plots for the burial of cremation remains.

ribena said:

I don't think it's acceptable to put your wishes in your Will and not let anyone know what these wishes are. When someone close to you dies you don't contact your Solicitor to find out if there are any such wishes in the Will. You don't always even know if or where someone has made a Will. If you had certain wishes the best thing would be to let your family know of your wishes and if you did put them in to your Will, you should have a copy of this Will in your home somewhere it might be found in the event of your death.

Click to expand...

Fair points ribena.

Lorz said:

If you do run with cremation you could always use one of the "useless" Waterford crystal vases that you got as a wedding present!

Click to expand...

Since I won't care when it comes to it my next of kin are free to choose [broken link removed].

I definitely do not want to be buried. This is part of the reason why I would like to have this kind of thing sorted out myself. I believe that my siblings know that I want to be cremated. I'd like to set out in more detail what kind of service (if any) there should be and what should be done with the ashes afterwards. It's difficult to get people to talk about this though, and even more difficult to get them to actually listen properly and take it all in.

I don't plan on staying in Ireland and my family (by which I mean siblings rather than the extended, rarely-seen hoardes of uncles/aunts/cousins etc.) while close, tend to drift in and out of contact so I'd like to know there was a record somewhere of what I want.

I was always of the opinion that funerals were for the people left behind and it would be entirely down to my next of kin to decide to make the arrangements as they saw fit. For some people the chance to wake a loved one at home for example and have all your raltives and friends call is comforting. For others a funeral home is more suited.
For some a big hooley is traditional while soem would prefer to gireve alone.
It seems to me to be a very selfish notion to want to make all the arrnagements yourself and decide how your loved ones should grieve for you once you are gone. Aside from making some financial preparations for the inevitable day I firmly beleive it should be down to those left behind to decide where to bury/cremate you etc.
After all what possible difference can it make to the person who has died.
I know a neighbour who visits his daughter's grave daily and gleans great comfort from doing so.......if she had specified she wanted to be cremated and not burried he would be denied the ritual from which he gets some peace.

My mum used to want to be cremated but she's gone off the idea now again. You would have to let your family know that this is absolutely what you want. You probably have one sibling who would be more of an organiser and who you would envisage would make all your arrangements anyway so make sure they know. You should also let them know what you want done with your ashes, whether you want them scattered or whatever.

Janet said:

I definitely do not want to be buried.

...

I don't plan on staying in Ireland

Click to expand...

You mean you're going to haunt some poor foreigner!?

Bamhan said:

I know a neighbour who visits his daughter's grave daily and gleans great comfort from doing so.......if she had specified she wanted to be cremated and not burried he would be denied the ritual from which he gets some peace.

Click to expand...

Not necessarily - see my comment above about cremation plots in graveyards. There's one in the graveyard in which my father is buried ([broken link removed]) for example. I think there's something similar in Glasnevin and maybe most or all other cemeteries.

Bamhan said:

It seems to me to be a very selfish notion to want to make all the arrnagements yourself and decide how your loved ones should grieve for you once you are gone. I firmly beleive it should be down to those left behind to decide where to bury/cremate you etc.

Click to expand...

I don't think it's selfish at all, but very prudent, particularly when there's more than one family involved and they can't agree!

My friend's partner passed away a month ago and, because they weren't married (together for 15 years), his sister, as next of kin, took over the funeral arrangements and did not consult my friend on any aspect of the funeral.

On his deathbed, he had managed to say that he wanted to be buried with my friend's daughter from a previous marriage who he was very close to. If he hadn't managed to utter this, he would have been buried in a place chosen by his sister, who he only saw once a year Christmas.

My friend is devastated at being shut out of her partner's funeral arrangements - had he left a living will, at least all the parties involved would have known how he wanted it to be and the high esteem in which he held his long time partner.

Hi
Well after having dealt with a funeral etc. I definitely plan to put money aside for my own death. My mum never acknowledged how ill she was (cancer) and therefore never mentioned death even though we knew she was dying.. We couldn't ask her. Had often considered cremation myself but I do agree it helps a small bit to have a place to go and grieve and plant flowers etc.
The funeral bill itself was 5,890:-fancy coffin, engraved nameplates? with Crucifix, White satin frill. Hearse and men in attendance from hosp to funera home, prep and dressing of deceased, hearse and men in attendance to removal from funeral home to home house. Hearse and men in attendance at funeral mass, burial. Black felted coffin pad, wooden grave marker cross, family mourning limousine, personal supervision by undertaker.
The rest of the bill was for the double plot (1500), Grave digging, moss lining and dressing of grave plot (400). Priest 150, Altar servers, Sacristan, Grave diggers (100)
Obiturary notices, Two local papers and Independant and two local radios 550. Flowers, spray, grave flowers and family roses 280.

It certainly is an eye-opener and although we were not asked about prices etc. The funeral undertakers were very professional and did an excellent job. The costs don't end there - Adverts in papers for mass, thank you cards, memorial cards. etc etc.

I don't think it's selfish either to want to organise this myself but each to their own. When my father died, although he had made practical arrangements he had not considered the church aspect of it really (wasn't very religious). I found it very upsetting to be trying to concentrate on choosing readings for the Mass (still not sure years later why it fell to me to do it since I have older sisters and a stepmother) and deciding who to choose to do the readings, bring up the offertory etc.

Although there may be something to be said for the idea that once you're dead you won't care what happens I also believe that knowing things had been arranged to my preference would make my final days (whenever they may come) far more peaceful.

You mean you're going to haunt some poor foreigner!?

Click to expand...

Well, I've made a few of them miserable in my time - why change just cos I'm dead

Can you cut down costs to a min by using a cardboard coffin?

Also another cheaper option is to be buried in the back yard. I know of one such burial in the last week.

Also another cheaper option is to be buried in the back yard. I know of one such burial in the last week.

Click to expand...

Was that in this country and was special permission needed?