Falling in Love at 70

Yes, I know it's unusual but I have and this is a genuine series of questions that arise from unexpectedly falling in love with a younger woman - well, she is 68. Both of us are widowed, my new love has no children while I have four.
We want to live together and are willing to sell both our houses to purchase a new one, jointly owned.
However, the questions that arise include the following:
* What should we do with the extra money from the sale of the two houses, especially if we downsize? We are talking about 300,000 euro or so.
* How do we safeguard our separate assets if we don't get married?
* What provision should we make for the inevitable decline into old age with all its consequences - we're not there yet!
* My children are naturally worried about SKI - spending the kids' inheritance - so how do I assure them they will be looked after my.....?
* Would it simplify things if we got married? Serious question!

Any suggestions/advice/congratulations etc. welcome

Connemara

Good for you Connemara......congrats!

I hope that you get a good answer to your very interesting questions.

How do both of you want your assets distributed when you pass away? You may want to take care financially of your partner and if so, make a will doing just that. If not, make a will leaving what you want to whoever you want. It's your business and your partners choice what you guys want to do with whatever you own.
Really happy for both of you and so should your family. Be alert.

connemara said:

Yes, I know it's unusual but I have and this is a genuine series of questions that arise from unexpectedly falling in love with a younger woman - well, she is 68.
However, the questions that arise include the following:
* What should we do with the extra money from the sale of the two houses, especially if we downsize? We are talking about 300,000 euro or so.
* My children are naturally worried about SKI - spending the kids' inheritance - so how do I assure them they will be looked after my.....?
* Would it simplify things if we got married? Serious question!
Connemara

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Firstly, congratulations, (now I can't get the song "falling in love again" out of my head).

These are just initial thoughts that popped into my head. Take from them what you will.....

With the extra money, I'd plan a few "honeymoon" trips, cruises, holidays etc. Maybe not with all of it, but certainly with a good chunk of it. This will also allow you to collect a few souvenirs together to furnish your new house. (I can point to most things in my house and bring back up the memories of where we were, and what we were doing when we bought them).

I'd tell my children that they get what they get, I'm not dead yet, and until I am, it ain't theirs. I would assume no expectation of an inheritance. (I, and my siblings, have told my parents to spend all their money on themselves, just to leave no debts. They earned it, and we have no intrinsic right to it. They said they didn't need to be told )

I would get married, for the simple reason that I have known couples where one partner had a medical emergency, an the other partner didn't have the same rights of access etc. in the hospital simply because they weren't a spouse or blood relative. It caused so much aggravation and issues that they decided to get married. It would also simplify a lot of financial and legal issues.

And again, congratulations.

Yes. Don’t second guess yourself in terms of your desires for inheritance reasons. However children become protective in a role reversal kind of way, and with a new relationship also consider with what could go wrong. I’d give the same advice to someone my age (40s), rush into love but take your time and care with mixing money and property.

If it doesn't work out are you happy someone you've known for a very short time, acquires any or all of your assets if something happens to you. What chaos will this cause after you.
How will you fund a nursing home, or care later on? If you spend all your money, do you expect your kids to carry any burden that your later care requires. Will they be able to afford it.

You can choose to enjoy the now, and thats a valid choice as any.

* What should we do with the extra money from the sale of the two houses, especially if we downsize? We are talking about 300,000 euro or so.

Update (or make!) a will. Pay an independent financial advisor a few quid to establish your combined risk appetite, and make recommendations based on it. Whatever risk appetite you had before has been modified now at the very least by including your partner's opinion. I agree with the previous advice about being careful about mingling your funds too much just yet.

* How do we safeguard our separate assets if we don't get married?

I'm not sure I understand this question. If you don't get married, then nothing changes (excluding whatever you put in your respective wills). What are you looking to protect your assets from?

* What provision should we make for the inevitable decline into old age with all its consequences - we're not there yet!

It might be time for each of you to make an Enduring Power of Attorney document (through a solicitor) in case one of you becomes incapacitated and unable to conduct day to day financial directions. Look after your health. Get a good understanding of the implications for taking up the Fair Deal scheme if either of you needs residential care.

* My children are naturally worried about SKI - spending the kids' inheritance - so how do I assure them they will be looked after my.....?

Can I frame this differently: are your children afraid that a new will, including your partner as a beneficiary, could see them with reduced inheritance, or indeed, none at all? Your will is your business, and you may not choose to tell them anything. Or, you can give them some degree of certainty by explaining what you've put in it. I'm guessing you'd like to look after your partner, and this is the crux of the matter. You can do that, and keep your children part of it all, and a solicitor will be well used to dealing with this.

* Would it simplify things if we got married? Serious question!

Yes it will. In particular, it will mean that you or your partner does not have to pay a high rate of tax for assets inherited on the death of the other. Without being married, you/they will hit a much much lower threshold for tax on any assets that transfer.

* My children are naturally worried about SKI - spending the kids' inheritance - so how do I assure them they will be looked after my.....?

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You don’t owe anyone an inheritance! You’re kids are old enough to look after themselves by now, so go live your own life the way you want it. My kids are nearing the end of college and they both understand that the bank & hotel of mum and dad are shortly closing down.

Jim2007 said:

You don’t owe anyone an inheritance! You’re kids are old enough to look after themselves by now, so go live your own life the way you want it. My kids are nearing the end of college and they both understand that the bank & hotel of mum and dad are shortly closing down.

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If the bank & hotel of mum and dad closed down for good in Ireland House prices would be a lot lower there would be less defaulting on mortgages also,

To the OP.

Talk to a solicitor.

You need advice on
:Succession planning.
:Rights of Cohabitants
:Rights of surviving spouses


I'm increasingly coming around to the idea that many people find major issues in their lives just too BIG, too complicated etc.,etc so instead of actually thinking- do you know what, this is what I want to happen if/when we split, separate, marry, lose capacity, go into a Nursing Home and on and on.

And instead, close their eyes and hope it will get sorted out by The Man- whoever that is.

mf

mf1 said:

I'm increasingly coming around to the idea that many people find major issues in their lives just too BIG, too complicated etc.,etc so instead of actually thinking- do you know what, this is what I want to happen if/when we split, separate, marry, lose capacity, go into a Nursing Home and on and on.

And instead, close their eyes and hope it will get sorted out by The Man- whoever that is.

Click to expand...

Worth repeating in full......as my query in a separate thread attests!

I have to disagree with the posters who say that it is totally up to the OP and his partner to spend their money as they wish and not to worry about the kids' inheritance.

Both parties have been widowed and their deceased spouses have presumably helped them in accumulating their assets. The OP's deceased spouse may have preferred to see their assets eventually pass to her children rather than a new spouse, it is important not to ignore this. The same may apply to relatives on the other side.

Judging from the initial post the OP wants to ensure the kids are looked after and I would not be trying to discourage this. It can all be looked after with the right professional advice. If selling houses perhaps consider gifting a portion of the sale to the children to reassure them. As mf advises talk to a solicitor and all the best in your new relationship.

connemara said:

Yes, I know it's unusual but I have and this is a genuine series of questions that arise from unexpectedly falling in love with a younger woman - well, she is 68. Both of us are widowed, my new love has no children while I have four.
We want to live together and are willing to sell both our houses to purchase a new one, jointly owned.
However, the questions that arise include the following:
* What should we do with the extra money from the sale of the two houses, especially if we downsize? We are talking about 300,000 euro or so.
* How do we safeguard our separate assets if we don't get married?
* What provision should we make for the inevitable decline into old age with all its consequences - we're not there yet!
* My children are naturally worried about SKI - spending the kids' inheritance - so how do I assure them they will be looked after my.....?
* Would it simplify things if we got married? Serious question!

Any suggestions/advice/congratulations etc. welcome

Connemara

Click to expand...

Congratulation and I wish you both a very long and happy life. Happy people live longer, keep smiling and dance with the stars overhead . Make a will and don't worry too much about what the future brings, my mam always said God laughs while man makes plans. Only 5% of pensioners end up in an old folks home, so if I were you I wouldn't be worrying too much about fair deal schemes or whatever, if the times comes and you don't have the money you will be looked after regardless. You are one of the lucky ones to have found something very precious late in life. Money can't never ever buy love!

Congratulations!


My advice is to tell your children that you've fallen in love and that if you die first, your first concern is that she has enough to be taken care of in your absence. Once that is done, you should say that you want them to share in what's left over.

If your children feel they are being cut out of your estate by this new woman they are very likely to feel resentment toward you, and her, for the rest of your lives. People generally want a good relationship with their children and grandchildren and this can probably be avoided.

The good news is that you have plenty of wealth. The bad news is that one of you will die first. You can both structure your wills in a way that ensures that the surviving spouse keeps the house and is financially comfortable in the other's absence. You can then make sure that your family (and hers) get a share of the estate. When the surviving spouse dies you can also ensure a further division of assets between the two families.

I would actually sit down and actually show the children your and your new spouse's wills. This way there will be no confusion or disappointment.

First of all a warning!
A verbal agreement on disposal of assets is of no value if the survivor denies such an agreement exists.
A spouse is entitled to a legal third regardless of what may be stated in a will.
Of course families will be watching this situation very carefully as they can see "their" inheritance drifting away.
If you stay single you will have control of your assets and can do what you want.