Party Piece

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birdy

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An organisation I am involved with will shortly be having our end of year bash, and a party piece is kind of expected.

As I don't sing, I am stuck, am looking for a humerous poem or monologue, and can't find anything suitable.

Does anybody have any suggestions or links where I could get something that might be suitable.

Many Thanks
 
What kind of organisation? What's the audience going to be like? Kind of important to know this before making any recommendations. Wouldn't want to offend anyone, for example. Well, maybe not!

Another thing to bear in mind, many people who "sing" at these things don't have a note in their heads. So maybe a song would be OK after all.
 
Keep it short; poke gentle fun at yourself; tell a joke; The crowd are already merry - they don't need anything too cerebral
e.g.

I asked [name of party organiser] what was expected of me, and he told me anything at all that would get me a clap. Well I talked this over with [spouse] and (s)he ruled that right out, so I decided to stick with telling this story. [cue joke - just pull one from internet; keep it clean - the dead hare joke or some other oldie will do fine ]
 
Heard a funny story at a do one time, was a recital

I think it was called Seomra a hocht (or anyone who knows it would recognise it from that).

Basically it was about a fella who got invited back to the room of a "loose woman" - being an honest to goodness lad he didnt take up the offer, but he often wondered afterwards how he'd have fared out if he took up the offer.

Its a bit old style, funny not vulgar, but not really my thing. Would you not belt out an auld dodgy rebel song or something?
 
What about this

Rindercella, the dyslexic princess

Rindercella and her sugly isters lived in a marge lansion.
Rindercella worked very hard - frubbing scloors,
emptying poss pits and shivelling shot.
At the end of the day she was nucking fackered.

The sugly isters were right bugly astards. One was
called Mary Hinge and the other was called Betty Swollocks.
They were really forrible uckers and had fetty sweet and fetty swannies.

The sugly isters had tickets to go to the ball but the
Cotton runts wouldn't let Rindercella go.
Suddenly there was a bucking fang and
Her gairy fodmother appeared.
Her name was Shairy Hithole
and she was a light rucking fesbian.

She turned a pumpkin and six mite whice into a hucking
Cuge farriage with six dandy ronkeys who had buge hollocks and dig Bicks The gairy fodmother told Rindercella to be back by
Dimnight otherwise there would be a cucking falamity.
At the ball Rindercella was dancing with the prandsome
hince when suddenly the clock struck twelve."For suck's fake!"
yelled Rindercella as she ran out, tripping barse over ollocks and dropping her slass glipper.

Next day the prandsome hince knocked on Rindercella's
door and the sugly ister let him in. Suddenly Betty Swollocks lifted her leg and let off a fig bart. "Who's fust jarted?" asked the prandsome hince. "Blame that fugly ucker over there," said Mary Hinge. When the brinking stown cloud had lifted the prandsome hince tried the slass glipper on both the sugly isters without success. Their feet stucking fank. Betty Swollocks was ducking fisgusted and gave the prandsome hince a nack in the kickers.

This was not difficult has he had bucking fuge halls and a hig
bard-on. He tried the slass glipper on Rindercella and it fitted
pucking ferfectly. They were married. The hince lived his life
in lucking fuxury and Rindercella lived hers with a follen swanny.

And they lived happily ever after...
 
Yeah, Foxy Lady , I can see that going down well with all my elderly female relatives.....NOT!!! Very funny though.
 
Birdy if you give us an idea of your audience, it would be easier to think of something for you.

Brianne, thanks for the link to Robert Service. If that actually is him, I'm so glad to hear what he sounded like. I love his poetry.

"Sam McGee " and another of his, " Dangerous Dan McGrew " are time honoured party pieces.

His poem, "The Ballad Of The Northern Lights", is the only thing I've ever read that does justice to the Northern Lights. These three and so many more are in a collection called "Best Tales Of The Yukon"
 
On the subject of knowing your audience...I was at a wedding recently where a speech was given in which the best man said how confused he was that people were saying the wedded couple were off to Dubai on honeymoon because he thought they were staying in Ireland as the groom had told him he was going to 'Bangor' for a week after the wedding... The silence in the room was awful - the joke went down like a lead balloon! The moral of the story is rehearse what you are doing in front of a few people and try to keep it clean.
 
DeeFox said:
On the subject of knowing your audience...I was at a wedding recently where a speech was given in which the best man said how confused he was that people were saying the wedded couple were off to Dubai on honeymoon because he thought they were staying in Ireland as the groom had told him he was going to 'Bangor' for a week after the wedding... The silence in the room was awful - the joke went down like a lead balloon! The moral of the story is rehearse what you are doing in front of a few people and try to keep it clean.
Click to expand...

Couldnt agree more, I was also at a wedding where the best man revealed in his speech how his younger brother (the groom) would cadge condoms off him when going over to visit his girlfriend (the bride) and laughed about how the parents thought the two of them were just innocently babysitting. You could have heard a pin drop - mortifying.
 
My brother in law was asked to do best man for a guy in work, who he didn't know that well. So he was trying his best to prepare a humourous speech. Anyway, prepared a speech and something was in it about a mullet (haircut)

On the day there was mostly older people there who had not a clue what he was waffling on about. When it got to the bit about the mullet, there was silence till one aul fella shouts up "is that a fish, son?"

My sister was there and had to be peeled up off the floor and brother in law mortified.
My brother in law says never again, and my sister still gets great mileage out of him over it.

My ex boyfriends company used to have a party night in Jurys. There was one guy who used to do this song/poem thing every single year. Aroochacha....Aroochacha....Arochachacha.....cant really remember it now, but I remember it was about as funny as a fart in a space suit and by year 3, I wanted to lynch him as did most of the other staff.
 
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