vincentgav
Registered User
- Messages
- 100
Hi Everyone,
I really need help with this and we’re all confused and hurt by the situation.
My grandmother died aged 99 c. 1 month ago. She didn’t leave much; about €2k all in (as far as we know) which covered the funeral and her house, which is decaying, tiny, no safety certs, crumbling lethal staircase, etc. The house is worth around €15k - €20k realistically, although it was valued at €30k. It won’t get that much. (I work in the industry, the location is very remote, the stairs isn’t up to code, there’s severe damp, no access for machinery, no bath, etc – it won’t get €30k)
My Mum and her 2 sisters are here leftover, my Mum is the youngest (64). Her next sister up (67) stayed single, has her own house, etc. The eldest (72) is divorced, extremely controlling (always has been), nasty and treats my Mum as a child. She’s always been a pain in the backside. Always asking for help, for my Dad to do jobs on her house, etc, but gives nothing back, ever. Any time they meet she insists on sitting in the front seat, moving my mother to the back of the car (honestly), she has to pick where they eat (rubbish places). She’s so controlling that she’ll even pick bad ideas, just so that it’s her feeling in charge.
So when it came to my Granny’s death, my parents arranged the whole funeral, my Dad paid and hasn’t yet been reimbursed and he probably won’t ask for it from the estate. During my Granny’s final days/hours, my controlling Aunt announced in the nursing home at least three times that she was the executor. The middle sister was ALWAYS said to be in charge of all for as long as I can remember, so we all got a shock. My grandmother had dementia the last 10 years. Now, it surfaced that she gave this Aunt her wedding ring as a gift in the nursing home, she handed it to her on the QT. This was the first thing that the other 2 ladies weren’t a bit happy about. She wears the ring now.
So the first thing that came up in my head was the idea that since Granny’s onset dementia, the arrangements seem to have changed drastically. My controlling Aunt is refusing to let anyone else see the will, she won’t allow it. We all went to visit her house to reminisce after her funeral, she stood there in the middle of the kitchen, lips pursed with the key firmly in her hand, looking annoyed. She was visibly annoyed with anyone being there and wouldn’t leave anyone in any room alone.
We don’t want her as the executor as she never contributed to Granny’s care. Not just money, she actually drove Granny mad, always did, picking on her and winding her up. My middle aunt cared for her, my parents helped too and my Dad, with his money.
I don’t trust her. I think that the will was changed when Granny had already descended into madness (didn’t remember people’s names/faces some days). I also have to question why she refuses to show the will. I understand that she’s not obliged to, but the common sense of family asks why someone would refuse to show their siblings. It’s either being controlling for the sake of it or there’s something she’s hiding. She may have forged the will, I wouldn’t be surprised if she did. I think she’ll sell the house that we want to see stay in the family, since it’s worth so little. I would pay for it, a sensible amount if I have to, but I don’t trust her not to just sell it without telling anyone, just BECAUSE someone in the family would want it. It’s decaying and needs preservation work, she won’t allow. (My wife is a conservation architect, we would do the work for free, but she won’t ALLOW it.)
Please advise as to any advice on how to deal with this? Can we challenge the executor as not being appropriate? Granny not of sound mind? What options to we have to remove this executor?
I really need help with this and we’re all confused and hurt by the situation.
My grandmother died aged 99 c. 1 month ago. She didn’t leave much; about €2k all in (as far as we know) which covered the funeral and her house, which is decaying, tiny, no safety certs, crumbling lethal staircase, etc. The house is worth around €15k - €20k realistically, although it was valued at €30k. It won’t get that much. (I work in the industry, the location is very remote, the stairs isn’t up to code, there’s severe damp, no access for machinery, no bath, etc – it won’t get €30k)
My Mum and her 2 sisters are here leftover, my Mum is the youngest (64). Her next sister up (67) stayed single, has her own house, etc. The eldest (72) is divorced, extremely controlling (always has been), nasty and treats my Mum as a child. She’s always been a pain in the backside. Always asking for help, for my Dad to do jobs on her house, etc, but gives nothing back, ever. Any time they meet she insists on sitting in the front seat, moving my mother to the back of the car (honestly), she has to pick where they eat (rubbish places). She’s so controlling that she’ll even pick bad ideas, just so that it’s her feeling in charge.
So when it came to my Granny’s death, my parents arranged the whole funeral, my Dad paid and hasn’t yet been reimbursed and he probably won’t ask for it from the estate. During my Granny’s final days/hours, my controlling Aunt announced in the nursing home at least three times that she was the executor. The middle sister was ALWAYS said to be in charge of all for as long as I can remember, so we all got a shock. My grandmother had dementia the last 10 years. Now, it surfaced that she gave this Aunt her wedding ring as a gift in the nursing home, she handed it to her on the QT. This was the first thing that the other 2 ladies weren’t a bit happy about. She wears the ring now.
So the first thing that came up in my head was the idea that since Granny’s onset dementia, the arrangements seem to have changed drastically. My controlling Aunt is refusing to let anyone else see the will, she won’t allow it. We all went to visit her house to reminisce after her funeral, she stood there in the middle of the kitchen, lips pursed with the key firmly in her hand, looking annoyed. She was visibly annoyed with anyone being there and wouldn’t leave anyone in any room alone.
We don’t want her as the executor as she never contributed to Granny’s care. Not just money, she actually drove Granny mad, always did, picking on her and winding her up. My middle aunt cared for her, my parents helped too and my Dad, with his money.
I don’t trust her. I think that the will was changed when Granny had already descended into madness (didn’t remember people’s names/faces some days). I also have to question why she refuses to show the will. I understand that she’s not obliged to, but the common sense of family asks why someone would refuse to show their siblings. It’s either being controlling for the sake of it or there’s something she’s hiding. She may have forged the will, I wouldn’t be surprised if she did. I think she’ll sell the house that we want to see stay in the family, since it’s worth so little. I would pay for it, a sensible amount if I have to, but I don’t trust her not to just sell it without telling anyone, just BECAUSE someone in the family would want it. It’s decaying and needs preservation work, she won’t allow. (My wife is a conservation architect, we would do the work for free, but she won’t ALLOW it.)
Please advise as to any advice on how to deal with this? Can we challenge the executor as not being appropriate? Granny not of sound mind? What options to we have to remove this executor?