Hi All,
I’m putting together a list of recession jokes. Here’s what I have found so far. If you know one not mentioned, feel free to share.
Thanks In Advance for All Responses
What is the difference between a banker and a bank robber? One wears a balaclava!
How do you know an optimistic banker? He irons five shirts on a Sunday evening!
Definition of a nervous wreck: a man who has a house payment, a truck payment, a wife and a girlfriend.... and they're all a month late!
Did you hear in Kerry they think the Credit Crunch is a new breakfast cereal!
A man is stuck on the M50 in traffic when a garda knocks on his window.
Man: 'Whats going on?,' asks the driver.
Garda: 'Pensioners have kidnapped Cowen, Lenihan, Harney and a bunch of bankers and are going to douse them wit petrol and set them alight unless they get 30 million ransom, I am going from car to car taking a collection'.
Man: 'How much is everyone giving on average' asks the man.
Garda: 'About a gallon' replies the garda...
I went to ATM to get cash. The ATM said that I had insufficient funds. I still don't know if it's me or the bank?
A surgeon in Scotland operated on a man and had him back to work within five months, a surgeon in England operated on a woman and had her back to work in three months. We put an idiot from Offally in the Dáil for six months and he has the whole country out of work.
Credit Crunch - A husband and wife are shopping in Tesco's and the man picks up a crate of Stella beer and sticks it in the trolley.
Wife: "What do you think you're doing?"
Husband: "They're on offer, 10 quid for 24 cans" he says,
Wife: "Put them back we can't afford it"
They carry on shopping and a few aisles down the wife picks up a 20 quid jar of face cream and puts it in the trolley.
Husband: "What do you think you're doing?"
Wife: "It's my face cream, it makes me look beautiful"
Husband: "So does 24 cans of Stella & it's half the price!"
A new teacher was getting to know the kids by asking them their names and what their father did for a living. The first little girl said my name is Mary and my Dad is a postman. The next child said my name Andy and my Dad is a mechanic. And so on it went. Until one little boy said my name is Johnny and my father is a striptease artist in a gay bar. The teacher gasped and quickly changed the subject. Later the teacher approached Johnny privately and asked is your Dad really a dancer in a gay bar. Little Johnny blushed and said no. He's really a bank manager. I am just too embarrassed to tell anyone.
The Americans have Barack Obama, Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Stevie Wonder. We have Brian Cowen, No Cash, No Hope and No Bloody Wonder!
The credit crunch has helped me get back on my feet. The cars been repossessed.
Three doctors are discussing their country's medical achievements.
Germany doctor: We took a kidney out of one man and put it in another and he was out looking for work in 8 months.
Indian doctor: We took a lung out of one man and put it in another and he was out looking for work in six months.
Irish doctor: We took an ******* out of Offaly, put it in the Dail and the whole country was out looking for work in three months!
Brian Cowen has made an announcement “We regret that due to Government cutbacks, the light at the end of the tunnel is to be switched off”.
Recession is worse than divorce, you lose half your fortune but you’re still married.
I’m putting together a list of recession jokes. Here’s what I have found so far. If you know one not mentioned, feel free to share.
Thanks In Advance for All Responses
What is the difference between a banker and a bank robber? One wears a balaclava!
How do you know an optimistic banker? He irons five shirts on a Sunday evening!
Definition of a nervous wreck: a man who has a house payment, a truck payment, a wife and a girlfriend.... and they're all a month late!
Did you hear in Kerry they think the Credit Crunch is a new breakfast cereal!
A man is stuck on the M50 in traffic when a garda knocks on his window.
Man: 'Whats going on?,' asks the driver.
Garda: 'Pensioners have kidnapped Cowen, Lenihan, Harney and a bunch of bankers and are going to douse them wit petrol and set them alight unless they get 30 million ransom, I am going from car to car taking a collection'.
Man: 'How much is everyone giving on average' asks the man.
Garda: 'About a gallon' replies the garda...
I went to ATM to get cash. The ATM said that I had insufficient funds. I still don't know if it's me or the bank?
A surgeon in Scotland operated on a man and had him back to work within five months, a surgeon in England operated on a woman and had her back to work in three months. We put an idiot from Offally in the Dáil for six months and he has the whole country out of work.
Credit Crunch - A husband and wife are shopping in Tesco's and the man picks up a crate of Stella beer and sticks it in the trolley.
Wife: "What do you think you're doing?"
Husband: "They're on offer, 10 quid for 24 cans" he says,
Wife: "Put them back we can't afford it"
They carry on shopping and a few aisles down the wife picks up a 20 quid jar of face cream and puts it in the trolley.
Husband: "What do you think you're doing?"
Wife: "It's my face cream, it makes me look beautiful"
Husband: "So does 24 cans of Stella & it's half the price!"
A new teacher was getting to know the kids by asking them their names and what their father did for a living. The first little girl said my name is Mary and my Dad is a postman. The next child said my name Andy and my Dad is a mechanic. And so on it went. Until one little boy said my name is Johnny and my father is a striptease artist in a gay bar. The teacher gasped and quickly changed the subject. Later the teacher approached Johnny privately and asked is your Dad really a dancer in a gay bar. Little Johnny blushed and said no. He's really a bank manager. I am just too embarrassed to tell anyone.
The Americans have Barack Obama, Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Stevie Wonder. We have Brian Cowen, No Cash, No Hope and No Bloody Wonder!
The credit crunch has helped me get back on my feet. The cars been repossessed.
Three doctors are discussing their country's medical achievements.
Germany doctor: We took a kidney out of one man and put it in another and he was out looking for work in 8 months.
Indian doctor: We took a lung out of one man and put it in another and he was out looking for work in six months.
Irish doctor: We took an ******* out of Offaly, put it in the Dail and the whole country was out looking for work in three months!
Brian Cowen has made an announcement “We regret that due to Government cutbacks, the light at the end of the tunnel is to be switched off”.
Recession is worse than divorce, you lose half your fortune but you’re still married.
