Good ole USA

[pk]

A Charlotte, NC, lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars,
then insured them against fire among other things. Within a month having
smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having
made even his first premium payment on the policy, the lawyer filed claim
against the insurance company. In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars
were lost "in a series of small fires."

The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason: that the
man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.

The lawyer sued....and won! In delivering the ruling the judge agreed with
the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The Judge stated
nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company in which it
had warranted
that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure
them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable
fire, and was obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure lengthy and
costly appeal
process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000.00 to
the lawyer for his loss of the rare cigars lost in the "fires."

NOW FOR THE BEST PART...

After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested
on 24 counts of ARSON!!!!
With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being
used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his
insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000.00
fine.

This is a true story and was the 1st place winner in the recent Criminal
Lawyers Award Contest.
ONLY IN AMERICA

 

[daltonr]

More legal wrangling......

Q: Mrs. Jones, is your appearance this morning pursuant to a
deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No. This is how I dress when I go to work.

Q: Did he pick the dog up by the ears?
A: No.
Q: What was he doing with the dog's ears?
A: Picking them up in the air.
Q: Where was the dog at this time?
A: Attached to the ears.

Q: What is your relationship with the plaintiff?
A: She is my daughter.
Q: Was she your daughter on February 13, 1979?

Q: Now, you have investigated other murders, have you not,
where there was a victim?


Q: ...and what did he do then?
A: He came home, and next morning he was dead.
Q: So when he woke up the next morning he was dead?

Q: Could you see him from where you were standing?
A: I could see his head.
Q: And where was his head?
A: Just above his shoulders.

Q: ...any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a
murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial?
A: The victim lived.

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
A: Yes, I have been since early childhood.

Q: The truth of the matter is that you were not an unbiased,
objective witness, isn't it. You, too, were shot in the
fracas?
A: No, sir. I was shot midway between the fracas and the
naval.

Q: Did you stay all night with this man in New York?
A: I refuse to answer that question.
Q: Did you stay all night with this man in Chicago?
A: I refuse to answer that question.
Q: Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami?
A: No.

Q: Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods?
A: No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region.

Q: Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage
terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And, by whose death was it terminated?

Q: How did you happen to go to Dr. Cheney?
A: Well, a gal down by the road had had several of her
children by Dr. Cheney and said he was really good.

Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are right now?
A: I will be three months November 8th.
Q: Apparently then, the date of conception was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: What were you and your husband doing at that time?

Q: Mrs. Smith, you do believe that you are emotionally
unstable?
A: I used to be.

Q: How many times have you committed suicide?
A: Four times.

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead
people?
A: All my autopsies have been on dead people.

Q: Were you acquainted with the decedent?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: Before or after he died?

Q: You say you're innocent, yet five people swore they saw
you steal a watch.
A: Your Honor, I can produce 500 people who didn't see me
steal it.

Q: When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted
to and were able, for the time being excluding all the
restraints on her not to go also, would he have brought
you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?
A: MR. BROOKS. Objection. That question should be taken out
and shot.

Q: At the time you first saw Dr. McCarty, had you ever seen
him prior to that time?

Q: Did the lady standing in the driveway subsequently identify
herself to you?
A: Yes, she did.
Q: Who did she say she was?
A: She said she was the owner of the dog's wife.

Q: I understand you're Bernie Davis's mother.
A: Yes.
Q: How long have you known him?

Q: Now, I'm going to show you what has been marked as
State's Exhibit No. 2 and ask if you recognize the picture?
A: John Fletecher.
Q: That's you?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: And you were present when the picture was taken, right?

Q: Please state the location of your right foot immediately
prior to impact.
A: Immediately before the impact, my right foot was located
at the immediate end of my right leg.
Q: Where were you on the bike at the time?
A: On the seat.

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and
doesn't know anything about it until the next morning?

Q: What happened then?
A: He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can
identify me."
Q: Did he kill you?

Q: Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?

Q: Were you alone or by yourself?

Q: Do you have any children or anything of that kind?

Q: So you were gone until you returned?

Q: You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it
looked like, but can you describe it?

Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

Q: Have you lived in this town all your life?
A: Not yet.

Q: Do you recall approximately the time that you examined
the body of Mr. Edington at the Rose Chapel?
A: It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 8:30 pm.
Q: And Mr. Edington was dead at the time, is that correct?

this one involving a child:
Q: And lastly, Gary, all your responses must be oral, O.K.?
A: Oral.
Q: How old are you?
A: Oral.


-Rd