Headstones by the side of roads

Hopefully this won't come across as insensitive, but I have often wondered why exactly people decide to go through the hassle/expense of getting a headstone erected at a crash site on a road?

We usually erect headstones where people are buried not where they died. Was trying to think, but are road fatalities the only deaths that attract this practice?

I appreciate that these deaths may be very traumatic for those left behind, but surely the exact point at which their loved ones died is not that relevant. They visit the graves like the rest of us who have lost loved ones.

I found this practise quite strange (for want of a better word) when I moved to Ireland. I'd never seen it before. I haven't given much thought to the reasons why but I know there is a website dedicated to listing all the head stones on the side of the roads.

RMCF said:

Was trying to think, but are road fatalities the only deaths that attract this practice?

Click to expand...

There's a couple of memorials around the Blessington lake where drownings have occurred. in one case the family put up a life saving ring at the memorial.

RMCF said:

I appreciate that these deaths may be very traumatic for those left behind, but surely the exact point at which their loved ones died is not that relevant. They visit the graves like the rest of us who have lost loved ones.

Click to expand...

I think the spot where their loved one was last alive has a powerful attraction for relatives.

Bubbly Scot said:

I found this practise quite strange (for want of a better word) when I moved to Ireland. I'd never seen it before. I haven't given much thought to the reasons why but I know there is a website dedicated to listing all the head stones on the side of the roads.

Click to expand...

[broken link removed]

I remember a proposal by a County Councillor a few years ago to standardise these types of memorials so as to avoid outlandish ones being erected. Also so that the public would be aware that there could be a potential risk with that stretch of road. Nothing came of it in the end.

Can you imagine having one of these outside your house. I seems to be all full gravestones now.

boris said:

I remember a proposal by a County Councillor a few years ago to standardise these types of memorials so as to avoid outlandish ones being erected. Also so that the public would be aware that there could be a potential risk with that stretch of road. Nothing came of it in the end.

Click to expand...

In NZ they have plain white crosses so if there are a few on the road you now something bad happened here for whatever reason.

When I see a headstone/cross at the side of the road I always bless myself and say a silent prayer for the departed and their families. It is my opinion (and only an opinion) that the headstone/cross reminds us that some person/people suffered without warning and died before their loved ones knew and that their loved ones will continue to suffer the loss for life.

Agree with OP.

I particularly hate the joy riding death or drunk and speeding home from the pub death ones. I think they glorify this behaviour.

in one case the family put up a life saving ring at the memorial.

Click to expand...

That's the sensible approach I think - otherwise the expense of a second headstone is (to me) quite daft. Any number of useful things could be done with the money.

In June a friend of mine died in a car accident.

His car veered onto a verge, crossed the road, hit a pillar and flipped over.

He was 19 years old, and his life was just snuffed out. He didnt have time to say goodbye to anyone, he was going into work on just a normal day. The council were doing road works at the site, the surface was unfinished and I'd say my friend was speeding.

He died of massive head injuries, although not instantly they have said. That pillar was like his last place to be alive. Thats where his life ebbed away, and you wonder if he had time to think about anything at that time.

Flowers, candles and mementos were left at the site. He is buried in a local graveyard, but I still visit both places to leave little things and say a prayer.

I think places like these just give a little comfort to the ones left behind. Erecting a sign or some other indicator might make people aware of just how easy life can be lost on our roads. Who knows, it might make another person to slow down and perhaps save them from the same plight.

csirl said:

Agree with OP.

I particularly hate the joy riding death or drunk and speeding home from the pub death ones. I think they glorify this behaviour.

Click to expand...

in glorifying you mean if you copy our actions you too could have your very own roadside headstone?

Kildrought said:

That's the sensible approach I think - otherwise the expense of a second headstone is (to me) quite daft. Any number of useful things could be done with the money.

Click to expand...

I don't think things like useful or sensible tend to come into to grieving periods, people do what they can to help themselves get over a sudden loss and to remember the dead.

I think we in Ireland all know too well how easily life can be lost on the roads.

Buit do we need to see headstones at the side of the road to remind us of it? I don't.

In a lot of these cases when I see the headstones I often wonder if the person was driving too fast, was drunk driving, high on drugs or acting the eejit on the road to impress someone.

I think people have started to erect headstones as they think its now expected of them. If I ever lost a loved one on the roads, the last thing in my mind would be to erect a stone where they crashed a car. I would have one at their grave like most would do and visit them there.

would you put a gravestone in the supermarket where someone died of a heart attack ?

There is one at the entrance of an estate where I used to live.
A teenager died there in a car accident.

The facts behind the accident are that a 13 year old stole a car and drove it at high speed while high on drugs and alcohol. Another car was leaving the estate, the 13 year old swerved, lost control of the car and it crashed. He died in the impact.

Im not saying we shouldnt feel sorry for this kid, but he is not the innocent victim of a car accident - he unfortunately brought these events upon himself.

The headstone does not indicate anything about the true facts, a casual observer would be led to believe that a poor child was unfortunately killed through no fault of his own.

I wonder how many of the other headstones at roadsides around the country mislead in a similiar way?

People act to grief in different ways. If they want to put up a memorial let them do so. I have seen it from both sides. I lost a brother in a car accident and our family didn’t erect a memorial at the accident spot. I lost a very close friend in a motor bike accident and his sister erected a cross at the spot. Every time I drive past it, it makes me think of him. Some times I am filled with sadness but most of the time I think of the good times we had together.

I know it is impossible for people to understand the grief that some one goes through when they loss a loved one in this type of way as I didn’t understand until it happened to me, so I think people should be allowed to make their own decision

jhegarty said:

would you put a gravestone in the supermarket where someone died of a heart attack ?

Click to expand...

Ithink you know the answer to that and it doesn't detract from what people do on public roads and walkways not private property i.e supermarkets.

The headstone does not indicate anything about the true facts, a casual observer would be led to believe that a poor child was unfortunately killed through no fault of his own.

I wonder how many of the other headstones at roadsides around the country mislead in a similiar way?

Click to expand...

I might be taking you up wrong but are you saying that if people knew what so and so was like or how he died they wouldn't be so quick to offer a small prayer, i would hope that people wouldn't be so hard as to not feel for anyone who died no matter how foolish they were when alive.

I am sure they will be banned as soon as someone is killed because their car hits a slab of granate at 100kph