BF Unemployed for the last 2 years

EmmaJane

Registered User
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Hi All,
I need advice.

My BF has been unemployed for the last 2 years. We have been together 1.5 yrs. He doesnt have any college or courses behind him.

He has worked as a Security Man in the past, working CCTV. And he has worked in a small factory, but that was 10 years ago.

I've tried my best to encourage him to get some work because he has sent out his CV for a good few jobs in the last 1.5 yr, and to no avail.

Is there anything you would recommend him to do to help himself get a job, to be honest, I need someone stable for the future.

I have my own house,car,and good job.
 
"I need someone stable for the future. I have my own house,car,and good job and boyfriend unemployed 2 years" doesn't add up to me and the word freeloader keeps popping into my head. I may be jumping to conclusions though. He should go to FAS and see if there are any courses he could do - and he should do not you.
 
Jobs Clubs, run by Fas, have facilitators to help with C.V's and interview preparation. I think they also have career guidance councillors, which might help give insight into career direction, and training opportunities. Its also a free service.
 
I know, he works p-time with a guy and earns about 150 into his hand, plus he has his dole.. so he has about 330 euro a week, and thats easy money, for doing nothing, and he has justified his not working by earning this money. Id love to see him working, and having a great career like i have.. Im embaressed when my friends asked me in the past about him not working. i just said he was working.. terrible of me to be covering him, but i just think he doesnt know where to start again
 
Sounds to me like he's not interested in getting a job, and why should he get one when he's getting €330/week?

In the last few years Ireland has practically zero unemployment (apart from 'unemployable'). If he can't get a job it's because he doesn't want one.

You have an up hill struggle ahead of you I'm afraid.
 
I know, and you are quiet right.. Secondly he lives at home with the parents, but thats because they are ill. Id love for him to move in with me and help with my mortgage, but without a job, is a no-no. Why should he give up his 330 p.w for doing nothing, for doing something, that might pay less, and he has to work.It causes awful arguments between us sometimes.. my parents are freaking out with me over it.. Any other suggestions welcomed please.. thanks...
 
A new boyfriend, perhaps? It's sounds as if you're on that road that leads nowhere, i.e. trying to change someone.
We'll i love the bones of him,and vice-versa, i just want him to get on in life. i dont want to struggle if i was to be with him long-term.ie rest of my days..i havent forced his hand over the last 1.5 yrs, and i dont really want to now. But i cant keep going on working hard myself, when my BF doesnt even work..
 
No only his provisional.. He doesnt even have a car, and im the fool that drives him around, or picks him up.. he says he has no interest in getting a car, because the insurance will be too high. He's 28yo by the way...
 
You have your hands full there, if he has the get up and go tell him to apply for driving test and hopefully pass test, then do his theroy D test quite simple if you study for it i got 40 outta 40. Apply for Dublin bus with excellent starting rates and they train you for you full D licence. Average take home after 6 months with a bit of overtime (optional) 620 euro. Pension and all the usual benefits. Anyone could do it.
 
Sounds like a lazy freeloader to me. Although he is earning something and may pay towards the bills, I fear you two are two birds flying in opposite directions. You want the stable secure future and seem to have plenty of ambition while he is happy as is. This will undoubtedly cause friction at some stage.
But if you's are happy as is well then why change it? Maybe its his laid back attitude that you find attractive about him. But Id say after a while that'll look more like a lazy attitude and the reason you fell for him will be the reason you fall from him??
 
Other than that start to give him a wide berth maybe he will get the message and get off his This post will be deleted if not edited to remove bad language and do something about it.
 
Does he have any long-term goals? Does he know what he'd like to do with his life? Pardon the cliché, but where does he see himself in five years time? Still living at home with the folks, using his girlfriend as his personal chauffeur, contributing nothing?

He needs motivation, badly. The longer he's unemployed, the less likely he is to want to work, especially doing something that doesn't interest him. If he's got enough money to get by on without a job, it's not likely he'd be interested in minimum wage shelf-stacking 40 hours a week for very little more than he's getting now.

OK, he sounds like a total loser to us but he must have some good qualities and you are in love with him after all! But it's a bad situation when you feel he isn't being a partner to you and where you're feeling ashamed of him. Maybe you need to sit down with him and honestly explain that you love him but you can't see yourself with someone lazy and unmotivated who can't contribute to a shared future together, so he needs to do something with his life or you don't feel it will last.

It's a very difficult and delicate situation. Maybe he really needs you to motivate him before he can change his life. Or maybe he's just a lazy sod who will never change! You need to find out.

He could do a course, get some training, learn some skills and get a job or an apprenticeship or something. Or maybe just get a job, any job while he figures out what he wants to do. But he needs a reason to change - he clearly isn't going to do it on his own.

Good luck!!
 
But i cant keep going on working hard myself, when my BF doesnt even work..

Of course you can!! The other option would be to go down the route your boyfriend seems to be taking. Don't do that to yourself! You've had the get-up-and-go to get your own house, car, career in order & well done to you for that. You just have to ensure that he doesn't enjoy all the benefits of all your hard work. But the initiative has to come from him. He's old enough to be able to explore the employment/training opportunities for himself.

If you really wanted to provide a good kick up the a**e, you could make a quick call to the dole office about the 150 a week he's getting into his hand. I imagine they'd have him in for an interview to discuss the efforts that he's making to find a job fairly quickly!
 
If you really wanted to provide a good kick up the a**e, you could make a quick call to the dole office about the 150 a week he's getting into his hand. I imagine they'd have him in for an interview to discuss the efforts that he's making to find a job fairly quickly!

HA! I thought of that myself but didn't want to be cruel!! :D
 
No only his provisional.. He doesnt even have a car, and im the fool that drives him around, or picks him up.. he says he has no interest in getting a car, because the insurance will be too high. He's 28yo by the way...

he has a point here plus if you're in dublin you dont need a car in my opinion.
 
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