Refusing to socialise with colleagues

liaconn

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Someone I work with is not coming along to our Christmas booze up tonight. Not because they have something else on, or because they're broke, or because they don't drink or anything like that. Their reason is that they 'don't mix their work and social life'!
I'm not talking about some seriously senior person who wants to keep a professional distance from staff. This is just one of the team.
I've heard people before say they 'have a rule' that they don't socialise with colleagues.
To each their own I suppose, but I've made some great friends through various places I've worked and find this attitude a bit silly. Obviously it's important to have friends outside of work but refusing to ever go for a drink with workmates or a Christmas do is surely a bit OTT?
 
I am with you. I have met some of my best friends through work. I spend most of my life with these people so it's good to get on with them. Having said that, if people don't want to go out then fair enough. I am probably just jealous that they have such a large group of friends outside of work!
 
I would in general agree with you, but you don't know their whole back story. It is possible there are other reasons they don't want to share that mean they aren't comfortable sharing a drink with colleagues. Maybe there is a history of issues with alcohol, or maybe they find it difficult to manage alcohol intake and are fearful of the outcome (I had one colleague who always avoided the Christmas do but would socialise with colleagues on other occasions - eventually he admitted he had disgraced himself terribly at a Christmas do in his previous job so never felt comfortable with them again)
 
I am with you. I have met some of my best friends through work. I spend most of my life with these people so it's good to get on with them. Having said that, if people don't want to go out then fair enough. I am probably just jealous that they have such a large group of friends outside of work!

To be honest, I suspect some of these people are trying too hard to prove they 'have a life'. :)
 
I once put a drunk colleague in a taxi that had been booked on the company a/c for the CEO. Drunk colleague proceeded to destroy said taxi. How we laughed when we heard the taxi company rang up on the Monday saying the CEO had soiled the taxi and they were sending in a bill. The poor CEO spent months talking about reputational damage.....

Xmas parties are dangerous.
 
.. but refusing to ever go for a drink with workmates or a Christmas do is surely a bit OTT?

The flip side is that your response is a bit OTT ? If someone does not want to be there, their choice should be respected, regardless of the stated reason.
 
I'm not going to the company do tonight or team booze up next week either - not because I have something else on, just because I don't want to go. I keep my social circle & nights out separate from work.

I really don't see the point - I've found over the years that most people end up talking about work, getting stuck in forced conversations etc, attempting forced joviality, end up boss watching etc. - I would prefer to just go home and save my nights out for one I want to go to.

Don't get me wrong - I have made many good friends through work over the years but we socialize as friends (I don't work with any of them now) , not at work outings.
 
The flip side is that your response is a bit OTT ? If someone does not want to be there, their choice should be respected, regardless of the stated reason.

Well the point of my post was that I find it a bit ridiculous when people say they 'never' socialise with colleagues. You can respect someone's right to do something while also finding the reasoning behind it a bit odd. I have no issue with anyone not wanting to come to the Christmas night out. I have abstained myself sometimes in the past because I had too much on or was tired or whatever. But I would never turn around to a colleague and say I don't mix my work and personal life. It sounds dismissive and a bit of a posture in my opinion.
 
I socialise with colleagues all the time but when it comes to xmas parties I generally decline.
After 3 pints Im usually blotto and I generally speak my mind when sober so me drunk with managers around is a dangerous combination.
 
Post the 1992 Bank strike the atmosphere in our Department at the time was absolutely poisonous as some worked & more didn't .

The sports & social committee was disbanded & the Christmas party was cancelled , never mind post work drinks groups who had previously taken lunch & coffee breaks together split into the different camps - the 2 nearest pubs were also split down the same lines !

It probably took the bones of 10 years & a raft of retirements & transfers before a degree of social interaction took place.
 
You must regret working then?! ;)

I think there were regrets on both sides to be honest :)

From a workplace that thrived on a sharing of ideas & partnership it became a battleground - prompting a decline which culminated in the Department closing in recent years.
 
So you think the opinion / view / decision of a fellow " team member " is desmissive and a bit of a posture . Some team that must be :confused:


:confused:
What are you on about?? All I said is that someone responding to a query as to whether they're coming along to a social event with 'no, I don't mix my work and my social life' sounds dismissive and a bit of a posture. Does being on the same team as someone mean that whatever they say you have to agree with it? That's not a team, that's a dictatorship.
 
I'm not a big fan of Christmas parties, I don't have one anymore where I work now, and that doesnt bother me at all. If it doesnt suit me to attend a work event, I just decline politely. I wouldn't feel the need to make it a statement about 'not mixing work and social life'. Like others here, I have made good friends over the years through various workplaces, and attended plenty of enjoyable events too.

Hope the party was good, Liaconn.:)
 
:confused:
What are you on about?? All I said is that someone responding to a query as to whether they're coming along to a social event with 'no, I don't mix my work and my social life' sounds dismissive and a bit of a posture. Does being on the same team as someone mean that whatever they say you have to agree with it? That's not a team, that's a dictatorship.

So I presume that you told this team member that you thought his comments sound "dismissive and a bit of a posture" before running behind his back to post on a public forum.
After all that’s what teamwork is about, the ability to speak openly and honestly within that team.:confused:
 
Everyone has a right not to socialise. That right should be respected.

I never ever socialise with people from work that is my choice and it is respected. In 20 years working both in the civil service and private sector not once have I went to any xmas parties, social events or team building exercises. I simply abstain, no one has a problem with it. It is my business not theirs or the employers business.

Now if someone had a problem with my position I would certainly raise a grievance with management.
 
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